Written by Eva Prokhorova
Sunday, 17 February 2013 07:44
In my prayers, without realizing it, I used to tell God what I need and then expect Him to fulfill my needs. Don't people tell us that no one else knows what we want and need, except us. Right? Wrong.
I also used to like to tell God exactly how to fix my problem. When I didn't get what I wanted I would go into the "depths of despair" just like Anne from Mongomery's book "Anne of Green Gables". :)
Looking back I realize how extremely silly it was and now I can laugh, but back then I was dead serious. I wasted to so much energy worrying, when I could have done so many other things. I felt I had some deep spiritual problem. I felt God was far away. God was right there all along and I know He has a better sense of humor than most of us, better than mine for sure. When David writes about being pulled "out of a slimy pit and set one solid ground" (Psalm 40:2), this is the experience of my life that comes to mind.
Two things I keep learning.
Number one, God does not owe me anything. That's it. A few months after it occurred to me, I was on our first training tour with CTI. Since then the topic of entitlement keeps coming up (check out Eric's blog "Entitled to Nothing"). Isn't there so much freedom in realizing that...
Number two, God is the one who knows everything. There are so many things about myself that I do not know and He is the one who created me the way He did and for a purpose. I admit, I still think I don't know what my passion in life is. But He does. Because He knows exactly who I am and what I need, will I not trust Him. In addition to everything said above He is the most Trustworthy person, plus He is Allpowerful!
So when I still battle my thoughts I'm reminded, He knows everything.
In Henry Nouwen's book "The Life of the Beloved" he writes about accepting God's blessing in everything that happens around in life. In the recent weeks I've witnessed God's care and provision in so many big and little ways: the places we stay, the times of being quiet, seeing stars on a clear night, sunsets and sunrises, flowers, beautiful nature, the wonderful people around, the new people we meet, the kindness, the joy and laughter of even just one child (and we've been around more that one). The list goes on... We are truly blessed!
"Your love, Lord , reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the highest mountains, your justice like the great deep.
You, Lord , preserve both people and animals.
How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights.
For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light." (Psalm 36:5-9 NIV)