Written by James Peil
Thursday, 31 January 2013 22:53
Recently, I've been thinking a lot about how I arrived to this place in my life. This goes back all the way to trying to figure out why I even sought out CTI after hearing about the ministry in January of 2010. In the following summer I was blessed to be on a team that went to Mozambique and I've always seen that summer as something special for my life. Among other things, it was the first time I had actually chased after God, instead of just kind of chilling in a general proximity to Him. I had only been playing guitar for 2 and a half years and in all honestly probably had no reason to be on a team at that point. However, I remember thinking in the few months before hearing about the ministry that I just wanted to serve God and somehow do that with music, something that I was developing a passion for.
Lately, I've been pouring over this more and more, trying to figure out just what this CTI experience will amount to when I am finished. What I've begun to arrive at is this--I wanted to actually be a part of something, like legitimately feel like part of a community. I have good friends and all, but in high school and college I never really felt like I was a significant part of a community. This is probably because of many reasons, but the two I'd point out are 1) everything was pretty clique-ish, and 2) I'm not exactly a social butterfly. I'm not trying to pass around blame here. It's just that being on the periphery of almost everything conditioned me to think that unless someone asked, they didn't really care about what I had to offer. After being shot down a few times a person begins to wonder if it really is better to keep what they know to themselves.
I wish it ended there, but there's more to it than just that. While it's true I wanted to be a part of something bigger than me, it's also true that a part of me really wanted to prove to virtually everyone I knew that I could do something like this. There was a certain level of just wanting to declare what I could do. In spite of that selfishness, or more accurately, because of God's grace, during the last couple of weeks, I've finally begun to grasp the bigger picture. After all, God doesn't exactly take on a supporting role in our story. So I began to wonder if this is more about God's pursuit of me than my willingness to go, and if that's the case, then what exactly does the decision to first pursue CTI look like in my "story" from the author's perspective?
There's a certain peace that comes from serving God wholeheartedly. Unlike most everyone we work for, God doesn't expect us to prove our worth to Him. Psalm 139 makes it abundantly clear that God already knows all there is to know about us and that we can't escape His presence. We can't hide anything from Him, much less look to prove our worth to the One who sees our lives laid out before Him (Psalm 139:16). But the point isn't just our full exposure, it's that God has given us an invitation
to be a part of the work He is doing. In addition, this invitation includes a few promises--an inheritance (1 Peter 1:4, Matthew 6:20-21), a transformation (Romans 12:1-2), and an identity that is as secure as the One who gives it to us (John 1:12-13, Galatians 3:24-26). I'm blown away. In my attempt to prove what I could do, I'm discovering what God has done, is doing, and has promised to do. I'm not letting go of that. Furthermore, everyone should grab a hold of that, and if you need one last reason to do so, know this: nothing can take it away from you if you keeping holding on to it (Romans 8:38-39).